Absolutely Real True Facts

United Kingdom, Jan 2021A logistics error combined with unpredictable wind has caused the United Kingdom to shift off of its moorings. After an excessively large shipment of vaccines was dropped off in Norfolk, the UK became unbalanced and a strong westerly wind coming in across the Atlantic has got under Wales, and blown the UK […]

Canada October 2020 Sad news today as the bodies of 2 of the worlds leading authorities on homeopathy have been recovered after drowing in Lake Superior. Sue Donym and Richard O’Shea were lost after going swimming straight after a meal which any borderline-senile person will tell you is a recipe for disaster. On a more […]

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London, February 2018 A lymphoma has been devastated by the news that it is suffering from Piers Morgan. ‘Why me’ it could be heard weeping plaintively. ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ The cancer has set up a gofundme page where it is hoping that enough money can be raised to fly to India […]

Beijing, December 2018 Leading scientists have determined that Tardigrades are just ants in fat suits. Ants. Fat Suits. That’s it.

Wyoming, October “Quite frankly this is disgusting”, claimed Senator F J Lewis when offered a plate of vegetables. “It would be like eating members of my own family.” “My family have been vegetables for the last 4 generations”, announced Senator Lewis, while simultaneously signing a fracking agreement, ignoring climate change, and denying the holocaust, “…and […]

November, USA New research indicates that 83.33% of Russian Roulette players claim that it is the greatest game ever. The other 16.67% of players could not be reached for comment.  

Washington DC, November A giant orange toddler has had a hissy fit because he has been asked to do some work instead of playing with his toys. “Wheres my Fisher-Price golf cart?” asked the tiny-handed miniature Mugabe. “I wanna go play”. [image credit]

Prehistory, Tuesday Cavemen are concerned about the effect that single-use rocks will have on their environment. “These rocks we’ve fashioned into cutting implements with sharp edges are just left laying around and will harm the environment for years to come.” – said Ug. (or at least we think that’s what he might have said – […]