Absolutely Real True Facts

Wyoming, October “Quite frankly this is disgusting”, claimed Senator F J Lewis when offered a plate of vegetables. “It would be like eating members of my own family.” “My family have been vegetables for the last 4 generations”, announced Senator Lewis, while simultaneously signing a fracking agreement, ignoring climate change, and denying the holocaust, “…and […]

November, USA New research indicates that 83.33% of Russian Roulette players claim that it is the greatest game ever. The other 16.67% of players could not be reached for comment.  

Washington DC, November A giant orange toddler has had a hissy fit because he has been asked to do some work instead of playing with his toys. “Wheres my Fisher-Price golf cart?” asked the tiny-handed miniature Mugabe. “I wanna go play”. [image credit]

Prehistory, Tuesday Cavemen are concerned about the effect that single-use rocks will have on their environment. “These rocks we’ve fashioned into cutting implements with sharp edges are just left laying around and will harm the environment for years to come.” – said Ug. (or at least we think that’s what he might have said – […]

Kettering, Northants, UK A young man in Kettering, UK, has realised that his plan to economise on his meals has completely failed due to the fact that Baked Potatoes are crap without butter, cheese and bacon.

Iowa, US Five scientists are concentrating closely on a chicken, hoping that it will do something of interest. One scientist thought he saw the chicken do something an hour-or-so ago, but the other scientists did not see that thing happen. Scorn has been poured upon the mistaken scientist, and gravy may be poured on the […]

Nevada, US Recent research has shown that up to 3 in 6 statistics have been pulled out of a junior researchers ass after a long weekend on the booze. It’s estimated that there is little more than a 1d20 chance of this changing any time soon.

Washington, March 2018 New laws will require all students and teachers  at state-run schools to be armed. “It’s clear to us”, said some moron congressman, “…that the only way to stop a madman with a gun – is to ensure that anyone with functional arms who is with 250 feet of a state-run school – […]

Dallas, US What began as just a simple visit by Mr Edward Tard to his nephew in Boulder, Colorado turned into a drama of Doolittle proportions after his emotional support seal was prevented from bringing her emotional support penguin onto the aircraft. “She get’s very upset without her penguin”, said Mr Tard, while waving a […]

Washington, March 2018 Leader of the Illiterati, Donald Trump, has announced that armed bears are to be stationed in 92% of US schools in an attempt to reduce the number of mass shootings. “These will be big bears. Strong American bears. Nobody builds bears better than me” said Trump, when asked by a journalist about […]